Being a good conversationalist requires skills. Often it’s not something one can just wing. A good communicator is one who has a lot to draw from in life, often in terms of experiences such as travel, work, education, hobbies, interests, friends, family, classes and more.
The less one has to draw from the more difficult it is to come prepared to engage in quality conversation. The most interesting people are those that have versatile backgrounds, are a bit of an odd-ball, have varied interests and those that are charming, enthusiastic and convey a healthy dose of energy.
Without energy, effort and enthusiasm, it’s hard to keep conversations going. It’s hard to be excited about someone who doesn’t show and match the same level of these qualities that you possess. Boring, cliche conversation starters get repetitive, especially during covid.
Treating conversations like interviews feel like an extension of Zoom job interviews. Too many people try to play it cool with simple, straight-forward questions and topics but the best conversations are ones that allow both parties to geek-out, be a bit vulnerable and keep the other hooked.
Fear of being one’s true self is an easy way to kill a conversation quickly. Even if a convo dies within a few messages, at least time is saved and both people can move on. There is nothing wrong with letting a conversation die if one or both parties are not interested.
Great conversations involve connections, shared experiences, agreement / disagreement (banter) and/or learning something new. In order to teach someone something new, one has to have the arsenal to be in a position to teach.
Being an expert in a variety of fields is a great way to do this. Having strong passions and interests across a slew of areas shows dimension, intrigue and uniqueness.
If someone lacks experience with hobbies, interests, social context, culture, arts or awareness and interest about the world around them, dating apps will be brutal and I generally recommend these people get off apps until they come ready to engage, learn, fail, explore and teach.
Dating requires give and take and too often people join apps to fill a void, feel better about themselves, or merely see what’s out there.
Avoid cliche topics or sounding like an interview. Asking a question that has likely been asked hundreds of times is enough for a woman to unmatch rather quickly.
Such questions include how is your quarantine going? How is your day? How is your week? How is your morning? These are not bad questions, but they are not great especially if you hardly know someone, and they are talking to other people and hearing the same lines over and over again.
Look at backgrounds and details in photos. Don’t choose the most obvious photo or prompt to comment on. Ask open-ended questions that are relevant to the moment rather than networking type questions meetville free app or questions that are too random or private.
If there is not enough context in the photo but you are familiar with the location, you can inquire about something related to the location – did you go to xyz? what did you think of abc?
Don’t waste time or other people’s time on dating apps. Be prepared to give of yourself including time, effort, energy, and vulnerability. A life filled with hobbies, interests and friends will help immensely with one’s dating life.